BC JOKES

Old Age Jokes

Original Jokes Wit and Humor

Old Age Jokes Senior Citizen Jokes Jokes about Old Age Jokes about Senior Citizens

 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A couple who'd been married for over 50 years were sitting on the sofa, when the wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?"

He moved over and sat close to her.

"Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?" He reached over and held her tight. "And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?" With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth."

 An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving.
She gets pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer says, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."
The woman gives him her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.

  I went to see a specialist Doctor on referral. The nurse asked me what medicines do you take. I gave her a paper list of all regular medicines I take for survival.
  She complemented me, "You are very well organized!"
  I said. "No.., these days I put nothing to memory, all on paper."
  She sympathized and enjoyed patient like me.
  The beautiful lady Doctor followed and put me on table lying my face up.
  With her chest touching my head, me looking through her beautiful nose, face and curvature and enjoying her smooth skin, she did ultra sonic.
  She told me, "Uncle, you have AADD."
  I asked her, "Doctor will I survive? I heard of AID, but what the hell this was?"
  She explained, "Aged Attention Deficit Disorder."
  I asked her, "Doctor give me straight. Am I dying?"
  She laughed and said, "No but you have come to an age."
  She was right. I had following symptoms manifested:
  I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look
over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
  As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
  I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
  I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
  So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
  But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
  I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.
  My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
  I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
  I realize the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
  As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.
  I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
  I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
  I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
  I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
  I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
  So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
  Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
    The driveway is flooded
    The car isn't washed,
    The bills aren't paid,
    There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
    There is still only one check in my check book,
    I can't find my remote,
    I can't find my glasses, and
    I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
  Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. 
  I realized this as a serious problem, and decided to come to Doctor.
  But then I decided to check my Emails and send some to friends.
  I am on computer and I don't remember why I am on computer.
Boy, I have come to an age in my life.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

   Old man Johnson limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, my knee
hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"
   The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr.
   Johnson, just how old are you?"
   "98!" Johnson announced proudly.
   The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. . .
   Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're
practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?"
   The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it don't
hurt!"

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer!!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

   A lonely rich old widowed woman, decided that it was time to get remarried and find fulfilment in life. She put an classified ad in the local paper reading:
    HUSBAND WANTED!
    MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
    MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
    AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
    ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
Very next day she heard the doorbell ringing.
   Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray - haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you....you have no legs!"
   The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!" 
   She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" 
   Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!" 
   She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" 
   With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile with his tongue sticking out. And then said "My lady, How do you think I rang your doorbell?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the Jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:

"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."

 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Old Age Jokes

Original Jokes Wit and Humor

Old Age Jokes Senior Citizen Jokes Jokes about Old Age Jokes about Senior Citizens