BC JOKES

Brown Collar Jokes for Rednecks

Original Jokes Wit and Humor

I'm a Brown Collar Worker

No Coffee, No Workee!

obs01
Real Estate Agency

  How can it be called a Real Estate Agency when they don't own any estates?
  They don't even own the building they are doing business in.
  They should be called home brokers, because by the time they get done with you, you are definitely broke!
 
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obs02
Woman's hair

How can a woman have a permanent in her hair if she has to go back every month?
 
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obs03
IRS agents

  Why do they call Internal Revenue Service agents Auditors?  An auditor is a person who listens.
  IRS agents don't listen, they just say, "Pay UP!"

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obs04
Sales

  How can it be called a sale, if the price on an item is cheaper after the sale than it was during the sale?

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obs05
Heavy Industry

  Why is it that a chemical plant, rock quarry, or some such heavy industry can operate out in the country for thirty or forty years, paying taxes, and furnishing employment, and everybody is happy, until a Real-Estate developer builds a bunch of houses near it?
  Now all of a sudden, the plant has to lay off it's staff, and close doors because it is a menace to the population!
  They should post every road within a two mile radius of such a plant, "Industrial Zone, Enter At Your Own Risk!"
  And then there would still be some fool build there, because he can get land cheap.  Just as people will build on an airport approach, and then complain about the noise!

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obs06
Money Priorities

  The priorities in this world seem to be backwards when it comes to money.
  We work all week long, and come payday, the Tax Man has taken his cut before we have even seen our paycheck!
  Next comes the Rent Man, and right behind him comes electricity, gas, and the other utilities.
  Now we figure up, and go down and see the Grocery Man.
  Next we go negotiate with bank, credit card, various finance companies.
  Then take care of the Miscellaneous Man for school, church, and other etceteras.
  Whatever that is now left is Ours, most of the time, this is nothing but air, and all these other people are still screaming for more.
  We should take our cut first and let all of these other people fight for whatever is left!

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obs07
Bank Accounts

  Now a days, if you go to the bank to open up an account, you have to take your financial and criminal history with you.
  That's for a savings account.  A checking account takes an endorsement from the President!
  And if you should want a loan, you need two other banks to co-sign for you!
 
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obs08
Sun Tans

  I don't understand why someone would use sun tan lotion to keep from getting burned by the sun, and then go to a beauty parlor, and pay to get a tan!
 
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obs09
Designer Clothes

  The current fad now-a-days, is to run around with the name of your clothes designer plastered on your chest or back, as in Nike, Tommy Hilfiger, Calvin Klein, Adidas and the like.
  But I still don't understand why any man would run around with it plastered on his chest or back that he had BUM Equipment!
 
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obs10
Smaller Cars

  As the automobile companies try to get better fuel mileage, and fewer exhaust emissions, new cars are getting narrower, shorter and smaller.
  Makes you wonder that if in another ten years, they might not become extinct!
 
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obs11
Bigger SUVs

New SUV's, on the other hand are getting wider, longer, taller, with larger motors, and higher prices.
  If the present rate of progression continues, in a few more years, they are going to surpass houses in both price and size.
  I guess then we will live in the SUV and put a motor and wheels on the house and drive it to work!

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obs12
Car Bumpers

Why do they put bumpers on cars, if they can't be used used for pulling, pushing, or protect you in an accident?
  It's because the modern cars don't have any frames to which to attach a bumper.
  The cars have crumple zones that in case of an accident, collapse to absorb the impact of the collision.
  You just pray that the zone that you are in doesn't crumple before the others!
 
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obs13
Divorce

  They announced on the news the other day, something that men have known all along.
  In cases of divorce, because of alimony, and child support, the standard of living of the man, drops much more than that of the woman.
  In other words the man gets screwed more after the divorce than before!
  If marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition, then why isn't divorce also?
 
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obs14
Life Insurance

  Why do they call it life insurance, if you can't collect until after you are dead?

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obs15
Health Insurance

  For health insurance , we have to pay the insurance company a monthly premium, thereafter, every year we have to pay the first one hundred dollars per person, not to exceed three or four hundred dollars per family, of doctor's bills before the insurance company even considers paying.
  Then you have to pay the first ten to thirty five dollars of each doctor's bill and ten to twenty five percent of the remaining bill, depending upon what the specific service was.
  This does not include a case where the doctor charges more than the insurance says they pay and we have to pay the extra difference.
  Nor does it include a service that the insurance company refuses to pay, because the company says it is not needed in spite of what the doctor says.
  Do you realize that if we paid that monthly premium directly to the doctor, and cut out that insurance company as the middle man, we wouldn't have to pay the rest of those stupid bills!

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obs16
Slow Banks

  Why do banks with the least amount of business have the slowest service and make the most mistakes?

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obs17
Men's Purses

  I'm glad that men never took up the habit of carrying purses.
  I'm such a pack rat, that I would have to carry a hammer, screwdriver, pair of pliers, baling wire, and enough nuts, bolts, screws, and parts to fix my pick-up, or any other broken machine I see.
  I've seen women dig into their purses, and come out with money they didn't even know they had.
  I've seen women report their driver's license, credit cards, and checkbooks stolen, and then found they had taken the wrong purse that morning.
  I've seen purses with straps so long, the woman couldn't pass through a door without getting caught on a handle.
  I've seen purses so heavy, the woman had to have a shoulder strap to carry it.
  I've seen purses with so many pockets, zippers, straps, buckles, and snaps, even Houdini couldn't have gotten out!
 
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obs18
Golf

  I have never played golf, and I don't have any desire to play it.
  I just can't see hitting a ball, and then go chasing it.  I thought that was what dogs were for!
  Some people say they play golf for the exercise.
  Some say for the sun.
  Some for fun.
  When you see them riding around in a shaded golf cart and drinking beer, you know they are lying about the exercise and sun.
  And if you listen to them cuss and complain as they come off the course, you know they sure the hell can't be doing it for fun!
 
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obs19
Review Mirrors
 
  As cars have been getting smaller and lighter, the outside rear view mirrors have been getting wider and longer.
  I think these must be the precursors to wings for flying cars!
 
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obs20

Parking Spots
  As cars have been downsizing, so have parking spots.
  Some have gotten so small, I would need to take both doors off my pick-up to get into them.

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obs21
Delicious Hotdog

The hotdog is the largest, single, one piece, selling piece of meat that exists. Piece-for-piece, it out sells hamburgers, steaks, ribs, chicken, or any other single piece of meat.  Yet this is a piece of meat that is made out of various parts of meat that nobody wants to eat.
  Liver, heart, lips, and other parts that nobody wants.  These parts are ground up, seasoned, cooked and shoved into the small entrails, and sold to us, the consumers, as hotdogs, a tasty morsel.
  No trip to the ballpark, a picnic, campfire, or barbeque would be complete without a hotdog.
  If a hotdog is so good, then why do we need catsup, mustard, and relish to cover up the taste?

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obs22
Smoking

I'm a Brown collar worker
I cuss, drink, and smoke
Don't cuss at me or I'll take a poke
You see, it is no joke
I wear no man's yoke

  Smokers comprise nineteen percent of the adult population of the United States.  If you started a business, and got nineteen percent of the adult population, you'd be a millionaire in a short period of time.  Let's see, now what can I sell!
  Of course the way smoking is being restricted now, it won't be too long before all I'll have to sell is just a place where people can set down and smoke a cigarette!
  I can see it now, some enterprising entrepreneur buys the Empire State Building, wraps it up to look like a cigar, and advertises it as the world's largest smoking parlor!

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obs23
Federal Budget

  Our Senators and Congressmen in Congress are for the most part either Democrats or Republicans.  The biggest difference between the two parties being, should we feed the poor, or balance the Federal Budget?  If you would look at the Congressional Budget and see how much they spend, you would realize that if these guys would just stay at home, we could feed the poor, and still balance the Federal Budget!

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obs24
Population Control

  There were headlines in the paper that there had been an earthquake in Turkey which leveled a town and killed forty thousand people.  Very few people realize it but this is Mother Nature's way of population control.  if there are too many people on one side of that earthquake fault, something has to give.  And in so far as those little tremors that people feel once in a while, remember that annoying guy down the street putting the roof on the house: Bang, Bang, Bang?
  One of these times, he's going to miss and:
BANG!
  Uh-Huh, there went Los Angeles!

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obs25
Weather

  The weather, starting on the upper northeast coast, is extremely cold with mountainous snow.
  As you drop south the snow continues to pile up until you begin to reach the lower New York area where the heat and humidity begins to build, and you come into hurricane territory.
  This continues until you get down into the Florida area where you get into your severe thunder storm area with massive lightning strikes.
  Heading west the areas have oppressive heat with high humidity, monsoon like thunderstorms with frequent tornados, and an occasional hurricane to keep everybody on their toes.
  Once you reach the interior of Texas, the hurricanes go away and the humidity drops, but the heat reaches killer heights, and when you do get a badly needed rain, you also get floods and bad tornados.
  Going on west the storms and tornados slacken, but the heat continues to rise
and nothing can survive except cactus and rattlesnakes.
  Once you hit the California coast, you get wildfires during the summer that burn everything in their path, torrential rains during the winter that get everything the fires didn't get, an occasional earthquake, and even a typhoon or two.
  This continues up the west coast until you reach up into the Oregon and Washington area where it rains so much you wonder if there really is a sun.  They also have a couple of volcanoes to mix your drinks for you.
  Heading now towards the east across the upper United States the rain goes away
but the winter temperatures drop and the winds pick up, leaving you to wonder how anybody can live in such conditions.
  That covers just about all of the United States except for the area in the central part, which is known as tornado alley.
  Makes you think and wonder that if maybe the safest and best place to be in the United States IS TO NOT BE!

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obs26
Getting Ahead

  If you want to get ahead in this world, you have to out run everybody else.  If you can't go that fast, then just hitchhike and let them do the running for you.

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obs27
Old Age

  You know you're getting old when you see a pretty young girl, and you wonder if she knows your daughter instead of thinking about dating her!

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obs28
Bank Robbers

  I don't see why people take such care to lock their cars when they go to the bank.  If a thief goes to a bank, he's not interested in stealing a car!

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obs29
Bad Days

  When you are having a bad day, you have to stop and think, and you will realize that for every day that everything goes perfect, there is going to be a day when everything goes to hell.

And for every week that goes perfect, there is going to be a week when everything goes perfectly bad.
  And for every perfect year, there is going to be an atrociously bad year.
  And then start praying that you are just having a bad day, and not starting a bad year!

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obs30
-Holic

I'm a Coffeeholic
Alcoholic
Nicotineholic
And Workaholic
In this world if you're not a something holic, then, you're some sort of a maniac or dead!

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