Raise a Cheek
A fat lady rode the bus to work every day but this day she had an unusually large build-up of gas. She wasn't sure what to do as the bus was quite crowded. Then she remembered that the bus would soon cross some railroad tracks that make it rattle and makes lots of noise. Maybe she can pass this gas without anyone knowing.
Unfortunately, last night the maintenance crew tightened all the loose bolts, smoothing out the crossing. At the tracks, she raised up on one cheek and let rip a long, loud, juicy one. But today the bus made not a sound -- just her. You could have heard a pin drop. "Maybe if I act natural, no one will figure out it was me," she thought.
She casually asked the man sitting across the aisle from her, "Excuse me, sir. Do you have a transfer?" He responded politely, "No, I don't, but the next tree we pass, I'll try to grab you a handful of leaves!"
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A woman goes into Bass
Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to
get so she just grabs one and goes over
to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing
dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir.
Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but
if you'll drop it on the counter, I can
tell you everything from the sound it makes.' She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter
anyway.
He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod
with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test
line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20 .00.'
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that
just by the sound of it dropping on the
counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, that
sounds like a Master Card,' he says.
She bends down to pick it up and
accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really
embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind,
he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man
rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'
The woman is
totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you
get $34.50?'
He replies,' Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00,
but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the
Catfish Bait is $3.50.
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